Sometime ago I was listening to a Podcast by another Life Coach and it got me thinking. I have been struggling picturing my future self. And the fact that the world has changed so much during the pandemic only adds to the echo of anxiety when I think of what the future could bring for my family and I.

I don’t want to miss the opportunity to challenge and better myself. I know I can do more…but my mind seems to turn blank when I think of envisioning my future self.

As I begin to dig deeper into these questions, I realize that yes, I have created goals and I have been thinking a lot about what I want out of life. I am just having a hard time visualizing it, but why is this? Why is it so easy for me to help others envision their future but I can’t do that with me?

It dawns on me that growing up there was so much uncertainty in my life. Big changes would happen all the time to my sisters and I and we had no control over them. I think eventually I translated the out-of-controlness to my whole life to ‘this is just how things are.’ I have been looking at the outside world to define my present and my future and this is why it’s been so hard to imagine how my future self could look like in 5 years.

So, how do I begin to create change within me? I first need to acknowledge that who I am is determined by the decisions I make internally and that is also true for all of us. I just have not been wanting to acknowledge that because it comes with a lot of responsibility. Sometimes it’s easier to blame things on the world, but I need to realize this external blame has been developing my identity and is no longer serving me. I want more out of life. I need to change the collection of thoughts I have about myself and my life. I can’t continue to blame the world for why I don’t have a vision for myself.

How do I define myself ? Well, I am a mom, a wife, IT Consultant, Life Coach, Yoga Teacher, but who am I when all these titles are taken away? Who am I as a person unchangeably by the circumstances? I close my eyes and I can see it; I finally see myself for who I am and who I have always been. I am a ‘Guide.’ Although I am not certain about what exactly that means. I know I serve as a bridge to bring people into the light. I don’t know what the world will bring tomorrow, but I can be certain that I will always have the ability and the opportunity to decide what I believe. I get to decide what I am going to think and what to believe and therefore what to feel-  and that is always within my power. My external circumstances should not determine who I am and how I show up.

Finding my future self is really just about being certain about who I decide I want to be, and then living into that no matter what happens outside of me.

I know realize that when I am not being the best version of the identity that I see for myself, it is because of my thinking. It’s because of my choices. It’s because of my decision, not because of anything that happened in the world around me. And if I don’t get to achieve what I have laid out for myself, it is not because of the world, but because of me and my thinking.