Are you feeling sadness, anger or depression and not sure how to handle it? Do you feel like its eating you up, keeping you up at night? I definitely understand what that feels like. I think it’s ok to say we have all felt these feelings at some point in our lives. Unfortunately, we are not always very good at vocalizing our emotions and we tend to hold it in.

Is it possible to believe our deep anger has perhaps turned into sadness, which then developed into depression? I have heard that people who are depressed- are those who live in the past? From my own experience, I see depression as a disconnect from the self, from my spirit. I am not talking about a chemical depression, that’s another story for a different day. I am talking about anger that goes unexpressed and eventually starts to create both physical and emotional problems within us.

So, what do we do about it? It’s a hard question to process, especially if we are carrying childhood trauma, and anger from many years ago. Should we continue to pretend it’s not there and brush it away and replace it with things that make us momentarily happy? As I write this I can only think back of my own anger and trauma growing up. I was angry at the world. I was angry at my father for abandoning me at the age of 6. I was angry at mom for the choices she would make around men and how she raised us. I was angry at the world for the life I had growing up– a life that I didn’t choose to be part of.

So, what did I do? I definitely felt the anger, and I let it boil in my body. Hence all the fights I had with my mother growing up, but more interestingly – I listened to it. This anger I felt spoke loudly to me and helped set my own boundaries. From a young age I knew that I wanted a different life for myself. I was not sure of what I specifically wanted, but I was sure of what I didn’t want. The anger I felt was so powerful because it motivated me to take action. I eventually got a job, applied to college and moved out at the age of 18.

The anger I felt helped identify the steps I needed to take in order to get gain back my power and self-worth I had lost while living at home with a single mom of 6 kids. I decided to create a safer and more supportive environment for myself and leaned on my friends for emotional support. They became and still are family to me.

However, I didn’t learn to honor the anger I had towards my parents until much later in life – probably until I became a mom myself. Once I had my kids, I started to honor my anger because I realized it gave me the opportunity to create the life, I wanted to for myself. Then the compassion for my mother came and the anger I felt toward her began to heal.

It took many years to begin the healing process. I now realize that the anger I had for both of my parents eventually processed into resentment. It probably developed out of a combination of anger and feeling abandonment. I was not able to speak up for myself and I stepped away from my own empowerment and my sense of self. I grew very resentful at some point and played a victim mindset. I blamed my parents for all the things I didn’t have growing up and all the things that were always missing in my life.

In order to honor our emotions and shift resentment, I needed to become sensitive to my feelings of anger and be willing to establish the boundaries needed. I struggled with resentment but because I communicated my feelings – I strengthen my sense of self, and my relationship with my mother. I can only recommend if you are feeling anger or resentment, take some time off for yourself to get clear on what anger in underneath all your pain. My recommendation is to journal, write a letter or talk to someone you trust about your feelings.

Once you have identified the resentment, identify what needs you have that you aren’t sharing. Start working on loving ways to communicate and stand up for your needs. Also, it’s quite important that your past resentments are worked through in all ongoing relationships. If you are having a hard time working through these emotions – get help! It’s important to identify the resentments and find healthy ways to address the concerns or issues that arise. This will help you heal like it help me. In my case, my parents are still in denial of a lot of what I sustained growing up, but I feel set free from the anger I had towards them. My anger, resentment and depression has now turned into compassion for my mother- and our relationship has definitely strengthened. I can also feel that it helped me heal not just emotionally but physically.